I think that the honeymoon is over. The first 2.5 days were fantastic- meeting new coworkers, friends, living mates- that I will spend the next 16 months with. Everyone seemed so fantastic and I was full of energy and excitement at the journey and challenge ahead of us. Today was different though. After my third day of 13+ hour training, skipping meals, standing in the heat, and playing the Army "hurry up and wait game", I am exhausted and frustrated. This is not going to be fun on any level. I think today the reality of the deployment finally hit me. Somewhere in between spray painting our names on our duffel bags and being told that we would be doing PT in NBC masks the gravity and magnitude of my situation hit me. Ever look at your life and say "Holy shit, how did I get here? How did I end up doing this? What the hell was I thinking?" That was today for me. This is hard, this is work, this is frustrating...and I am in the middle of it. There is no going home for a long, long time...and starting today I need to find ways to deal with it. Luckily I am surrounded by great new coworkers and friends, and together we will find ways to pick each other up when we are down...even though I wasn't expecting to be down so soon.
Not sure if this is really all normal or not. Everything over the past few weeks has been so surreal, so distant, and so emotionless. Saying goodbye to everyone was hard, but yet it was as though I was completely numb and unable to comprehend the harsh reality of the situation. Perhaps that was for the best...though I am having to deal with those feelings now.
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