Headed north

Headed from this sandy place to the city in another sandy place- and we will be moving soon. No details- need to keep my brothers and sisters safe. We will probably be super busy with no time for phones or email for a while, so I probably won't be updating much for a bit. Much love to you all, and I hope to resume posting/emailing/calling soon.

Bathroom thoughts

Scribble on the bathroom wall "thought for the day": "I wish I was where I was when I was wishing I was here". Perhaps, but nonetheless time to make the best of it, and embrace the suckiness of the situation. I am actually excited to be starting my real work soon- taking care of patients again. I miss nursing. Nursing in Arabic will be interesting though, given that I know none of the language right now. That will quickly change when I arrive and start working with the Iraqis. This will be a challenge, but one I welcome. The best days of my nursing career are about to begin.

HEAT training

Today was HEAT training (Vehicle rollover training). After a few lessons on what to do, we were able to actually practice by getting in a truck they had stripped and made a simulator out of. With all of our body armor and equipment, they rotated us 360 degrees, over and over. The gunner on the vehicle doesn’t have a seat belt (the are normally standing in the turret), so the other 4 passengers of the vehicle actually have to help hold the gunner to keep them from flying out of the vehicle. Holy cow- this gave me some good perspective on what the guys go through when they have a vehicle that flips. Once they rotated us around a few times, we had to get out of the vehicle with it upside down. 240 lb combat up-armored doors are not easy to open when you are upside down strapped in a seat (or sorta strapped in- we were like scrambled eggs by that point). It was some serious training, but we had a tremendous amount of fun with it too.
Tonight at dinner it seemed like reunion time- I ran into 3 guys I had a TDY training class with, and another that I had cadet training with back a couple years ago at Ft Lewis, WA. It was great to catch up for a few minutes.

The amusing thing for the day: for some reason, soldiers love Chuck Norris. Every port-a-potty that you go into has something (or many things) written about Chuck Norris. In good military style many are graphic or vulgar, but still hilarious. Example: Chuck Norris was supposed to die last week, but the Grimm Reaper was afraid to tell him. I will have to remember more of the sayings and post them later on.

Much love to you all, thanks for the kind words and emails. I miss you guys, but at the same time I am very excited to finally be moving north soon and getting started taking care of patients again. The real fun has yet to begin.

Women in combat

The funny thing about women in a combat zone or women in the military in general is that we find ways to retain our femininity. Be it bringing the expensive salon shampoo, plugging in the hair straightening iron to the only plug outlet in the tent and running it off the generator, or bringing all pink underwear and bras to the Sandbox- we find ways to stay girls. One of the tent mates did something I find absolutely hilarious, and I asked if I could post it here. Kim agreed.

Back story: Those of us that carry an M16 rifle are required to carry around an ammo magazine holder on the butt stock of our rifle. Currently we have nothing in them, so they are just taking up space. Our new found little storage compartment has been dubbed the “combat tampon holder” since many of us have discovered that it is 1. the perfect size, and 2. we always have it with us.

Not only did Kim nickname the “combat tampon holder” for us (it also nicely holds an iPod and earphones), but she had the following stitched in pink lettering on hers:

(see posted photo of rifle with Johnny Love embroidered on it- posted on the 29th)

Normally the name written on the magazine holder is your own personal name. Hmmm…I wonder how long she can get away with having “Johnny Love” on there. Girls will be girls…even if you deploy us.

Life with 15 females in a tent is interesting. There are no secrets- we know who snores, who drools, who talks in their sleep. We know how often we each shower, who are the readers and who plays on their computer. We have figured out who is first and last to bed, who doesn’t want to get up in the morning, and who brought more bath products to the Middle East than what is normally contained at a Bath & Body Works. The great thing is though- we also share a lot of laughs in between the frustration of someone’s alarm going off 30 minutes earlier than the rest of us wanted to get up.

Our tent is a sea of green, tan, and….pink? In between the sea of camo, weapons cleanings kits, and combat boots you can find purple bath towels, Hawaiian print flip flops and pink shower caddies.

The "combat tampon holder"

Johnny Love: What one of my tent-mates had embroidered on her weapon's magazine holder. More of the story to come later. :)

Welcome to my personal space

Pics inside my tent here at the camp. The second pic is my cot and personal living space. Not much room, eh? We make it work though.

Photos from out at the range

Just a photo

The only pic I can get to upload right now. This is the gals and I out at the firing range.

Rifles in church?

Today I witnessed one of the most beautiful sunrises of my life. The Middle East may be backwards in many things, but there is one aspect to their world that is to be admired- the sun. Wow. A blazing ball of fuchsia and orange, accompanied by a pink and yellow sky…words can not explain the complexity of the colors and the intensity of the beauty. Laura took a few pics out at the range this morning. The magnitude of the desert was apparent this morning- with sand as far as the eye could see. Sand, more sand, and about 5 camels. That’s it…for miles and miles. Once the sun had risen, the sky turned it’s usual shade of gray hazy horizon fading into a bright azure blue sky overhead with a complete lack of clouds.

Early evening I attended a church service. Just your normal, Catholic Mass in the chapel, except for one thing…what is proper etiquette for placement of your M16 for the service and when you go up to take communion? This really was a new thing for many of us, as we tried to strategically place our weapons on the floor between the rows of pews but spaced properly so that the kneeling benches could be lowered without difficulty.

I am having trouble posting pictures, but I will when I get a better internet connection.

Functional internet has been found!

Today you could see the full moon, bright and beautiful floating above the horizon, next to…the sun?!? Between the sand, the hazy cloudless sky, the bright sun, and the moon that appears much larger than back home, I feel like I am on the planet Alderon from Star Wars.

This morning was spent in classes- IED, weapons, and a few other things that I won’t list on the internet. Walking between the different buildings for classes and for meals, we probably walked 3 kilometers today at least. The calluses on my feet are definitely growing.

I have discovered the pay-for-use Internet trailer. $5 an hour gets you a connection that is actually functional. What this translates to is that I no longer have to wake up at 4am to use the internet when no one else is online, and it won’t take over an hour to fully check email. $5 is a small price to pay for time and sanity.

Off to bed now- tomorrow is going to be spent at the firing range with our M16s. The alarm clock is set for 0245, since we have to be there at 0330. Yep, one of those fine early Army mornings. I say “the” alarm clock because there are 16 of us in one small tent- and one clock suffices for all. We each have our cot about 1.5 feet off the floor) and try and stash most of our gear under our cot. We end up with about 2 feet of space between each cot, so it is a good thing I like my neighbors, haha. At night that floor space is occupied with our weapons. More to come on our living situation at a later time…my eyes are closing now.

Bagels and bombs for breakfast

Today’s breakfast menu includes: bagels and bombs? Part of this morning was spent running to the concrete bunkers when the warning sirens went off. I can’t go into details of why, but we did get to spend some of the day wearing our IBA and on lockdown in our area. I can’t imagine the Infantry guys that wear all that gear all day, every day. My heart truly goes out to them.

Surprisingly, I can’t say that I was particularly fearful or nervous while in the bunker. If it is your time, it is simply that- your time- and I refuse to live in a constant state of anxiety for the next 16 months. This isn’t to say that I am not aware of the danger, but I refuse to let that awareness overwhelm me.

Eyeballs and food..but not at the same time

Today (along with yesterday) was spent trying to acclimate ourselves to the new time zone and the environment. I am thankful they gave us 48 hours to catch up on sleep and get oriented. Upon exiting my tent at 0530 this morning I discovered that 0530 in Kuwait is as bright out as normal daylight in the US. Starting at 0630 tinted sunglasses are needed. Around 1000 the temperature starts warming up, and will quickly reach 100 and stay that way until 1500. Around 1600 the temperature starts to drop quickly, and non-tinted eyewear is fine. The wind seems to pick up in the heat of the midday, and loves to carry copious amounts of disgusting chalky sand with it.

The Army has blessed me with a pair of prescription ballistic eyewear that when worn causes to wearer to resemble a bug with huge eyes. The UVEX glasses have prescription inserts that don’t allow for much extra space- so I can not place the lenses up close enough to my face to keep out the sand and wind. Great gob guys…I now have my own swirling vortex of grit between my face and my lenses. On the up side, many of us are doing the “bug look” with our Rx lenses. Back when I was in the States I was doing everything possible to avoid these big, ugly, uncomfortable lenses. Now I really don’t even care…many other things are higher up on the priority list.

Happiness has been found in the food category- Starbucks, Pizza Inn, Subway, Green Bean coffee, Taco Bell, Panda Express, Burger King, etc… all right here. It doesn’t quite taste the same, but it is as close to “home” as you can get. The dining facility, or DFAC, is a whole ‘nother story. The first joy when you walk in is the smell. I have no words…other than to say it can be nausea inducing. The food isn’t horrible by any means, and the selection is fantastic…but the food is different. They bring in the fruits and veggies from Turkey and other nearby regions. The Starbucks has the aftertaste of powdered milk…but at least it has some resemblance to home.

Journey to the sandbox

Our formation for movement was at 1500, followed by loading of our rucks and duffels onto milvans for transport to the aircraft. We drew our weapons from the arms room…my M16 and I now will only part when I am working on the ward in the hospital. We did a large amount of sitting around and waiting…and waiting…and waiting.

Given that the majority of the CSH is PROFIS personnel (meaning that we came from other duty stations other than Ft Campbell, and therefore do not have family living locally) I was surprised to see the large number of family members that turned up. I know that most if not all the families thought that they were being supportive to their service member, but it can be so distressing at times that I heard a few people with family members present that they wish they had said their goodbyes already and begun to move on.

I said my goodbyes last month, but watching so many mothers, children, and friends in tears…and the resulting tears in my coworkers eyes caused me to have to fight back my own emotions. Having been the one left behind previously when Deven deployed, I can say that it is easier to be the one deploying- at least until you get on the airplane.

We finally boarded our buses around 1900 and headed off towards the airfield. After a final check of our medical and immunizations records we ate a meal of cold hamburgers and bland salad. We ate not because we were hungry, but because we didn’t know when our next meal might be.

Midnight came and we set off over the Atlantic. Liepzig, Germany became the first stop on our trek 7000 miles around the globe. Nothing to see or do in Liepzig- we were required to stay in a cordoned off section of the airport.

Around 2300 Kuwait time we touched down in Kuwait City. A chance to use the bathroom, stretch our legs. Our journey had taken over 24 hours thus far. We boarded buses, with curtains drawn to prevent anyone from knowing there were American Soldiers on board. In awkward silence we rode…not knowing our destination, what time we would get there, or what was on the other side of the curtains. Most slept, others like me stared forward without a word.

Exhausted we rolled into Camp…our new home for a bit. I would love to describe this place- but I refrain because I would never want to put myself or my fellow soldiers in danger.

The most striking thing upon arriving is noticing the sand. We all step in it, dig our toes in a tiny bit like a child would at the beach, and then say some form of “ick, that’s disgusting”. Should you ever want to experience the enjoyment of Kuwait sand, try this: remove the bag from your vacuum, dump the contents on yourself and the ground. Roll around in the dust to coat yourself liberally. The sand here isn’t really sand, or dust, or silt…it is somewhere in the middle. This brown dusty chalky substance floats through the air, coats every inch of yourself and everything you own, and likes to linger in your throat as much as possible.

Leaving on a jet plane

Just as the song goes, my bags are packed and I am ready to go. This pretty much is it- just finishing up a few last minute things such as updating my iPod and rearranging my carry on bag for the 15th time. I don't feel worried, but I know I am stressed because my body is telling me so. I keep clenching my jaw tightly and giving myself headaches...but as much as I remind myself to relax, I find myself clenching again and again.

My life is now in 3 bags: 1 duffel, 1 ruck, and 1 laundry bag that has my whole kit (body armor, helmet, and gas mask) in it. Wow. It barely fits- my roommate and I were jumping up and down on our bags to try and make more room. When I undo the latch in Kuwait all my things are going to spray out like a jack-in-the-box...quite a humorous mental image.

Tomorrow is the beginning of something new, but even more so the grand finale. For the past 6 years I have been prepping for this deployment. All of ROTC, my officer training, my nursing school, my time working at Darnall- everything leaded up until today. As anxious as I am, at the same time I am filled with excitement and pride. I will get to do the job that all Army nurses want- to take care of the soldiers who need care the most. I am not a "hooah" person- I could never do the job that the Infantry and Armor guys do- so I do what I can, which is providing the absolute best medical care to soldiers. I am proud that I am getting this opportunity to care for America's sons and daughters. In a twisted way, I am finally going to be living my nursing dream.

I don't know what the future holds for me- be it 15 months of quiet or 15 months of hell. I don't know if tomorrow will be the last day I spend alive on American soil, or if I will return for 60 more years in this great country we call home. While my future is uncertain, what I do know is that I will give my all to the patients under my care. At the end of each long day, I can rest knowing that I did everything possible to keep everyone breathing and comfortable. It's all I have to offer, but I offer everything I have.

Today was a beautiful day here at Ft Campbell- 75 degrees and sunshine without a cloud in the sky. I couldn't have asked for a more gorgeous last day here.

I don't know when I will be able to post again- most likely it will be a couple weeks. God be with us all.

Goodbye ceremony

The countdown here is finally finishing up. We have now entered the 72 hour window for leaving, and this will probably be the last post I make before I fly over the pond and into the land of sand and camels. Finally- the real journey can begin.


We had our "goodbye" ceremony for our unit this afternoon. This was the absolute last time that we would be together as a Combat Support Hospital since the flights out begin soon. Standing there in formation with my Brothers and Sisters I found it hard to look across the parade field at all the families sitting there watching us. I admit that it was by my own choice that I did not have family or friends there today- I never even told my own mother about the ceremony. Honestly, I just couldn't go through another round of goodbyes. The first time was emotionally draining enough, and I didn't think that I could handle it again. Yet, even though I knew none of the chairs was filled with a member of my own family I did not feel alone. I have a new family within this unit, my unit. I sense of belonging that I feel with these people is amazing. Three weeks ago we were strangers, and today we would die for each other.



I couldn't help but think about the family that was there at the ceremony though, sitting in the sun on a hot October afternoon. I have been in their role before, and I think that it was honestly harder to be the one left behind. The absolute heartbreak that they are going through now is nothing like what us soldiers are going through. Talking with a friend at lunch we discussed how we felt right now...or more accurately the lack of what we feel. I am so drained, numb, and detached from everything. Perhaps the numbness is a self-protection mechanism. Numb is better than hurt and distressed. I can handle numb.



Last night Laura and I went to Olive Garden for dinner, and then afterwards went into the Petsmart next to the restaurant. We are both cat lovers, and soon found ourselves in the adoption room petting the kitties through the bars of their metal cages. It may sound crazy, but those 15 minutes with a room full of homeless cats was the most therapeutic and relaxing 15 minutes I have had in a long time. A cat's purr can cure all all the illnesses of the world. I admit that I miss my cat, Meatball, so much that I really don't have words to express it. She would snuggle with me every night, and falling asleep without her seems so empty.


Tonight I am going to get the majority of my final packing done and finishing writing my name on everything I own with a Sharpie marker. Everything is going to get labeled, including my socks. Ha! Seriously though, I don't want any of my things to get lost or stolen, and the purpose of the Sharpie name-tag is to help prevent both.

IBA.......sucks

Holy cow. This stuff is HEAVY! Not just kinda sorta heavy, it is 40 lbs of annoying weight that pushes you down with every step. In order to get it to fit right, the jacket gets cinched up like a corset. The difference though is that you can actually breathe in a corset. This stuff is like breathing against a brick wall. There is NO give at all, so I find myself breathing much more shallow than I normally would. I feel like a green Storm Trooper. Then again, their stuff was plastic, and mine is uber heavy ceramic. I would love to trade and wear the Storm Trooper suit.

I am hoping that my ballistic eyewear prescription inserts arrive before we leave. Otherwise, I will be looking like a ski bunny using the goggles with my regular glasses. Ha! Let's see if I can fully explain the photo. Starting at the top: Army Combat Helmet, affectionately dubbed the "brain bucket". Strapped to the brain bucket is a pair of ballistic sun/wind goggles that are about as comfortable as having an octopus suction-cupped to your face. Around the neck we have ID card holders and dog tags. Our torso gets equipped with a flack-jacket containing ceramic plates that should stop the average Iraqi BB gun. Some high ranking person that obviously never has to wear this crap decided that we would also wear side plates and armpit/deltoid covers, along with a groin plate. Yes, the equipment that should be helping save our lives is so cumbersome that our mobility is severely limited and might actually make things worse. Hanging on our left leg/hip is a bag containing our gas mask. Another wizard came up with the idea to strap that thing around our leg in the most awkward way possible. Perhaps this is all a conspiracy? That is a discussion for another day.... :)

Catching up

Saturday, October 13 2007

The girls and I went to Nashville to enjoy our last Saturday of freedom. Laura, Linda and I were actually approached by a representative from CMT (Country Music Television) to appear on an upcoming show that is currently being filmed. After signed some legal paperwork, we were stuck on camera and asked a few questions. Ugh... I can't believe that my 10 seconds of fame may be on quite possibly the strangest topic ever. I would tell you more, but...I can't. Hehe!

That evening the three of us took a "ghost tour" of Nashville. Nothing really spooky, but we did learn some of the history behind a few of the older buildings and the capital building.

Thursday, October 11 2007

Today was spent out on the firing range...alllllll day. My M-16 and I have now truly bonded. While I have qualified on the M-16 many times before, I never wore full body armor while doing so. Interesting note about women, weapons, and body armor: when you add 30 lbs of gear that is incredibly bulky, it is nearly impossible to get the end of your rifle up in the pocket of your shoulder. The end result? You have to fire with the end of the rifle on your arm and you gain one heck of a bruise. I submit my right bicep photo as evidence:

Wednesday, October 10 2007

SRP day today. No idea what SRP actually stands for (God bless the Army and their nine million acronyms), but it translates into hours of standing in lines for vaccinations, eye exams, hearing tests, medication refills...you get the idea. After speaking with one of the docs the determination was made that I will not be getting any more Anthrax vaccine boosters due to the bad reaction I had the last time. Eek. Not sure if I like that answer or not.

I *heart* my co-workers!

I absolutely love and adore my new coworkers. Seriously. These people rock. I am assigned to ICW2 (Intermediate Care Ward #2), along with several other Lieutenants and a Captain. We all get along so very well- almost shockingly well. The training days suck, but they are also filled with much laughter. Somehow we are keeping each other in a good mood. Hopefully this will continue throughout the deployment, and whenever even one of us is down everyone else can bring them up. I look forward to working with each of them- I can see that teamwork is something our ward will succeed in.

Tonight Kurk, Laura, Christine and I went out to eat at a local Mexican restaurant and kicked butt at the live trivia game they had going on. Had we not bet all of our points on the bonus round we would have actually won the game. We already have plans to go back to trivia night next Monday.

Photos: Laura after I told her to "pose". She cracks me up! She's a great roommate now, and I hope that we continue to be roommates in Iraq. The second photo is Linda and I, stuck in a EO (Equal Opportunity) briefing, bored out of our minds.

Jazz on the lawn

Last night several of us went to Clarksville, TN for "Jazz on the lawn", an event hosted by Beach Haven winery. Live music, lots of wine, and new friends made for an excellent combination. We managed to kill off several bottles of wine, including "Golden Oak", "Harmony", and "Raspberry". I highly recommend the raspberry- yum!

While the band was taking a break one of the songs played was "Electric Slide", and the girls tried their very best to get me dancing. Hmmm... maybe I will learn it while we are gone. Line dancing sounds more fun than internet college courses any day :)

Pic, L to R: Me, Linda, Kelly, Laura, Kirk

Week one is complete!

Week one is finally over! Whew. This new lifestyle is certainly an adjustment. Even simple things are difficult: standing for hours and hours and hours is taking it's toll on my back, and lifting all this equipment has made me incredibly sore. Friday morning we had a APFT (Army Physical Fitness Test) consisting of pushups, situps, and a 2 mile run. I passed, but my score was not great due to being completely exhausted and sore. Many of us were in the same boat though and honestly I am just glad it is over.

We had CIF and RFI- both consist of being issued large amounts of Army equipment such as ballistic helmets, body armor, uniforms, new boots, and everything from multi-tool Gerbers to earplugs. I have bags and bags of gear. Turns out that with the new body armor it weighs about 44lbs total, including our weapon. While it is incredibly heavy and hot to wear, the weight is distributed pretty evenly throughout your torso so it is not unbearable. Lugging around an M-16 isn't going to be fun either (I was hoping to be issued a pistol) but at least I know I can defend myself better with a semi-automatic rifle.

Last night was our first reprieve from the long hours of training. Linda, Laura, Kurt (fellow nurses) and myself all went out eat at Olive Garden and then to Target for a few things. Just the simple act of being in civilian clothing again felt great. Today the plan is to do laundry and then attend a wine/jazz event this evening. Yay for normality!

I miss you all...I miss my friends in Dallas, my coworkers at Darnall, my Mom, Meatball my cat. This is hard, but during the day you are so busy that you don't have time to think about everything you are away from. During the night you are too exhausted, so you try not to think about it. There seems to be this unspoken rule that you simply don't talk about everything you miss, or how lonely you are. Everyone embraces their new friends here, and somehow we will make it through this together.

Reality check

I think that the honeymoon is over. The first 2.5 days were fantastic- meeting new coworkers, friends, living mates- that I will spend the next 16 months with. Everyone seemed so fantastic and I was full of energy and excitement at the journey and challenge ahead of us. Today was different though. After my third day of 13+ hour training, skipping meals, standing in the heat, and playing the Army "hurry up and wait game", I am exhausted and frustrated. This is not going to be fun on any level. I think today the reality of the deployment finally hit me. Somewhere in between spray painting our names on our duffel bags and being told that we would be doing PT in NBC masks the gravity and magnitude of my situation hit me. Ever look at your life and say "Holy shit, how did I get here? How did I end up doing this? What the hell was I thinking?" That was today for me. This is hard, this is work, this is frustrating...and I am in the middle of it. There is no going home for a long, long time...and starting today I need to find ways to deal with it. Luckily I am surrounded by great new coworkers and friends, and together we will find ways to pick each other up when we are down...even though I wasn't expecting to be down so soon.

Not sure if this is really all normal or not. Everything over the past few weeks has been so surreal, so distant, and so emotionless. Saying goodbye to everyone was hard, but yet it was as though I was completely numb and unable to comprehend the harsh reality of the situation. Perhaps that was for the best...though I am having to deal with those feelings now.